Vibrators: Both Women and Men Increasingly Love Them

From the 1980s through the millennium, I had a gig answering the sexuality questions submitted to a leading marketer of sex toys. Vibrators were—and still are—the most popular toys, so not surprisingly, many questions dealt with them. Thirty years ago, the questions often showed that people were anxious about vibes.

Women asked:

• If I need a vibrator to come, is there something wrong with me? (No.)

• Are vibrators addictive? (No.)

• Will vibrators ruin me for sex without them? (No. Does driving ruin you for walking?)

• How can I persuade my man to incorporate them into partner sex? (Ask him saying you want to.)

Men asked:

• Am I being replaced by a machine? (No.)

• If she uses a vibrator, is there something wrong with how I make love? (Not if you ask her to coach you about what she enjoys. Not if you provide at least 30 minutes of tender whole-body caresses before you reach between her legs.)

Back in the 1980s it wasn’t clear how many American women owned vibrators, but sex researchers surmised around 10 percent. Since then, vibrators have become totally mainstream. Recent surveys suggest that more than half of women own at least one and half of couples have incorporated vibes into partner sex at least once. On my site, GreatSexAfter40.com, I still get questions about vibrators, but the anxiety has largely disappeared. Now people mainly want to know how to select them. So it’s not surprising that a recent study shows that the buzz, as it were, on vibrators is much more positive than negative.

The survey by University of Indiana researchers polled a nationally representative sample of 2,056 women and 1,047 men ages 18 to 60. The substantial majority reported mostly positive reactions to vibrators.

The survey invited four reactions: Strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree. For convenience, I’ve collapsed the four reactions into two: agree or disagree.

Women: Using a vibrator…

• Is a healthy part of many women’s sexuality. Agree: 77%. Disagree: 23%.

• Can add excitement to partner sex. Agree: 75% Disagree: 25%.

• Can enhance partner sex. Agree: 74%. Disagree: 26%.

• Makes it easier to have orgasms. Agree: 73% Disagree: 27%.

• Places less pressure on the partner to bring her to orgasm. Agree: 68% Disagree: 32%.

• Helps women become sexually independent. Agree: 66%. Disagree: 34%.

• Is only for lonely women without partners. Agree: 13%. Disagree: 87%.

• Is embarrassing. Agree: 28%. Disagree: 72%.

• Makes women too dependent on them. Agree: 35% Disagree: 65%.

• Intimidates women’s partners. Agree: 37%. Disagree: 63%.

Men: Using a vibrator…

• Is a healthy part of many women’s sexuality. Agree: 80%. Disagree: 20%.

• Can add excitement to partner sex. Agree: 81% Disagree: 19%.

• Can enhance partner sex. Agree: 82%. Disagree: 18%.

• Makes it easier for women to have orgasms. Agree: 81% Disagree: 19%.

• Places less pressure on partner to bring her to orgasm. Agree: 68% Disagree: 32%.

• Helps women become sexually independent. Agree: 61%. Disagree: 39%.

• Is only for lonely women without partners. Agree: 15%. Disagree: 85%.

• Is embarrassing. Agree: 23%. Disagree: 77%.

• Makes women too dependent on them. Agree: 35% Disagree: 65%.

• Intimidates women’s partners. Agree: 30%. Disagree: 70%.

So the women in this survey were solidly into vibes. By large margins, they embrace everything positive about vibrators and reject everything negative.

But the men were even more pro-vibe. Back in the day, women used to fret that vibrators would intimidate their man. By a margin of better than two to one, men say they are not intimidated. Women used to wonder how to persuade their lovers to incorporate vibes into partner sex. Today that’s hardly an issue. By a margin of better than four to one, men say they add excitement to partner sex.

Of course, some people continue to disparage vibrators, but it’s a shrinking minority.

And here we are at the start of a new year, the time when people are generally more open to making changes. So ladies, if you’d like to add a vibrator to partner sex but have felt unable to ask, show this post to your man. It might start a discussion that gets you what you want.

And gentlemen, Valentine’s Day is only six weeks away, and guess what she might appreciate.

Sex toy marketers sell dozens of different models—battery-operated or plug in, ball-topped or phallic, waterproof or not, with or without clitoral stimulators, big wands or small bullets that travel easily. Marketers I like include: MyPleasure and Xandria.

References:

Herbenick, D. et al. “Beliefs About Women’s Vibrator Use: Results from a Nationally Representative Probability Survey in the United States,” Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy (2011) 37:329.

Herbenick, D. et al. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use By Women in the United States: Results from a Nationally Representative Study,” Journal of Sexual Medicine (2009) 6:1857.