Sexual Teasing: Who Does It? Why?

Sexual teasing involves the possibility of sex, then withdrawal of the perceived invitation.

Teasing violates a standard piece of relationship advice, i.e., communicate clearly. But people often don’t, especially when dating and during the interpersonal dance that precedes sex. In those situations, communication is often indirect and ambiguous.

What Is Teasing?

Teasing can involve people of any age, but the easiest group to survey is college students—and their experiences shed light on sexual teasing in general. Researchers at the University of Texas, in Austin, and the University of New Brunswick, Canada, surveyed 742 heterosexual undergraduates (143 men, 599 women) about their experiences with teasing.

Sixty percent of both the men and women recalled being teased at least once. More women (64%) than men (43%) said they’d been conscious teasers. Men recognize that women tease more than they do, in fact, many men call it “cock teasing.”

Very few respondents said they’d teased strangers. The target was almost always a friend or acquaintance. In fact, in 25 percent of reported teasing incidents, the teaser had previously had intercourse with the target, and half the teasers had previously been sexual with the target in some other way.

Men and women generally had similar motives for teasing, namely: I wanted to make the person want me sexually. I wanted to see how much the person wanted me.

But women were considerably more likely than men to say: I wanted to feel attractive and/or desirable. I wanted to feel in control, powerful. I didn’t want to seem too “easy” by having sex right away. I was scared of being pressured into sex, so I did it to buy some time, to look for an out.

Men were considerably more likely to say: I wanted to turn myself on. I wanted to see how far I could get. I did it as a joke or on a dare or bet. I wanted to have something to tell my friends later.

Teasers ascribed benign motives to their teasing. They called it harmless fun, flirting with an edge. But they recognized that it was more fun for them than for their targets. Recipients had less predictable reactions. In one-third of recalled incidents, the target reacted positively, joking and laughing about being teased. About one-third expressed indifference (“whatever”). About 15 percent of targets ignored the teaser. And approximately 15 percent said that being teased upset them.

The researchers also conducted quick personality inventories on study participants. Personality type had very little to do with teasing. Anyone and everyone is a potential teaser.

This study makes teasing look like a step on the continuum of getting to know others, part of the process of sizing people up as potential romantic/sexual partners. Very few people tease strangers. Teasers generally focus on friends or acquaintances. In many cases, the teaser and the target have already been sexual together. So, it looks like teasing represents a way to affirm (or reaffirm) interest in another while at the same time drawing a boundary, and saying, in effect, no trespassing.

[scroll down for related Questions & Answers]

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References

Meston, CM and LF O’Sullivan. “Such a Tease: Intentional Sexual Provocation within Heterosexual Interactions,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2007) 36:32. DOI: 10.1007/s10508-006-9167-7.

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Questions & Answers

I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world, of all ages, for free. Here are a few that relate to the topic of this post. If you’d like to ask me a question of your own, please go to GreatSexGuidance.com.

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My age is 80, married for 58 years BUT–over the years I know how women work. Especially when it comes to enticing interest in Men. Women tease. Always. They think men only want sex–but in the same vein–women want to control. I tell ya it’s true. They want total power. And sometimes women lose. Read more and my response…

I found your blog post dealing with the study on Sexual Teasing interesting. I would like to know if you know of any research on why Sexual Teasers would go on a date with a suitor or their boyfriend and sexually tease strangers. Read my response…

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