Premature Ejaculation: The Causes of Men’s #1 Sex Problem
PE often becomes a conditioned reflex that can last a lifetime.
Ever since Viagra’s 1998 approval, erectile dysfunction (ED) has dominated media coverage of men’s sex problems. But ED is actually less prevalent than rapid, involuntary “premature” ejaculation (PE).
University of Chicago researchers have conducted the most widely cited research into American sex problems. Their two studies are based on a representative sample of 2,865 men, 18 to 85. They show that from 18 to 59, PE is much more prevalent than ED, and that among men 60 and older, one-quarter of older men continue to experience it. As a result, sexologists consider PE men’s #1 sex problem. The numbers:
Erection problems*
(percentage reporting any during previous year)
18-29: 7
30-39: 9
40-49: 11
50-59: 18
57-64: 31
65-74: 45
75-85: 43
Premature Ejaculation*
(same criterion)
18-29: 30
30-39: 32
40-49: 28
50-59: 31
57-64: 30
65-74: 28
75-85: 22
(*One study tracked ages 18-59, the other, ages 57 to 85)
A simple self-help program could teach men to last as long as they wanted
PE has a convoluted history. The 4th century Kama Sutra chided PE sufferers for frustrating women. But during the Victorian era in England and America, women were not believed to experience erotic pleasure. They were considered merely passive receptacles for men’s lust. Because their pleasure was not an issue, neither was PE. In fact, Darwinians considered rapid ejaculation a sign of virility. Those men, they argued, were more likely to father children and pass their genes, including presumably those for PE, to future generations.
However, by the 20th century, PE was again problematic. Psychoanalytic theory blamed it on neurotic ambivalence toward women. But during the 1960s, Masters and Johnson conclusively showed that a simple self-help program could teach more than 90 percent of men to last as long as they wanted within a few months. Their success launched contemporary sex therapy.
Usually, PE is little more than a bad habit. Young men have very excitable nervous systems. They’re primed to ejaculate and don’t even need sex to do it (wet dreams). When they first have sex, many if not most young men come quickly, and over time, it often becomes a habit. At first, coming quickly may not bother young men. But over time, they—and their lovers—would like them to last longer, and they find they can’t.
In addition, in our culture, men are supposed to orchestrate sex, but few young men know much about lovemaking. This causes anxiety, which makes the nervous system even more excitable and prone to PE. Other stressors may also contribute to PE: relationship issues, self-esteem problems, school/work/family issues, and poor understanding of sexuality.
Pornography may also contribute to PE. Porn is a leading sex educator of men, with more than a billion pages of free Internet porn available 24-7-365. Porn does not cause social harm: rape, divorce, or teen sexual irresponsibility. For more on this, read my previous post Does Porn Damage Society? But porn contributes to men’s sexual frustration. It teaches sex all wrong, deluding men about what good sex is. No wonder so many women complain that men are erotically clueless. Here’s the deal, guys: Porn is almost entirely genital. Boy meets girl, and faster than you can drop a zipper, they’re deep into oral sex and intercourse. Porn-style all-genital sex puts tremendous pressure on the penis, which reacts by ejaculating quickly. Porn-style sex cements PE.
As a result, PE often becomes a conditioned reflex that can last a lifetime.
Fortunately, in just a few months, the vast majority of men can break the PE habit and learn to last as long as they’d like. The cure combines deep breathing and relaxation with doing the opposite of what you see in porn, namely embracing leisurely, playful, massage-based, whole-body sensuality that spreads erotic arousal from just the penis to every square inch of the body, taking pressure off the penis.
Many surveys show that women prefer lovemaking based on leisurely, playful, whole-body sensuality. Of course, this lovemaking style includes the genitals, but unlike porn, is not fixated on them. Men who embrace the self-help PE cure gain not only ejaculatory control, but also happier lovers. Ironically, women become happier not because the man lasts longer—few women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse no matter grow long it lasts (read my previous post, Hello, Clitoris!)—but because the program that cures PE teaches them to make love the way women prefer, with the emphasis on whole-body sensually.
If you’re interested in the self-help cure for PE, check out my low-cost e-booklet, The Cure for Premature Ejaculation.
[scroll down for related Questions & Answers]
Studies cited
Laumann, E.O. et al. “Sexual Dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and Predictors (Age 18-59),” Journal of the American Medical Association (1999) 281:537.
Laumann, E.O. et al. “Sexual Dysfunction Among Older Adults: Prevalence and Risk Factors from a Nationally Representative U.S. Probability Sample of Men and Women 57-85 Years of Age,” Journal of Sexual Medicine (2008) 5:2300.
Questions & Answers
I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world, of all ages, for free. Here are a few that relate to the topic of this post. If you’d like to ask me a question of your own, please go to GreatSexGuidance.com.
What’s going on with me? I’m a 56-year-old man. The last couple of years I’ve noticed some erection problems, so I started taking Viagra. It’s helped, but now I’m ejaculating way before I want to. I haven’t had that problem in 20 years. And now I’m having more erection trouble, even with the Viagra. My wife is upset and so am I. Help! Read my response…
Whenever my wife starts to make noise during sex, it triggers my ejaculation. Last night, we were having sex and everything was find until she starting making moaning noises—boom, I came. I ejaculate regularly to help my PE. If I don’t have sex for a while, say a week, it’s over very quickly. But if I ejaculate daily on my own for a week, then I can last longer with my wife. But as soon as she makes noises, as soon has she’s enjoying herself, I struggle to compose myself. Even when she orgasms during foreplay, I struggle to control myself—and I’m not even penetrating her. Please help !!! Read my response…
Do cock rings make you last longer? Read my response…
My best friend and I became lovers. We are not dating; we are simply having fun with one another. He and I have both slept with a myriad of other people. He’s an incredible partner. He’s in tune with my needs and I orgasm consistently; however, when it comes to intercourse, he cannot last long. He never has sex sober, so we thought that might be the reason why he can’t last. We had a wild weekend (to him, a normal weekend) and tried again to have sex. It didn’t last long. Read more and my response…
Any oral is too sensitive for my uncut penis. I cum too soon when my partner just places her mouth on my penis head. Read my response…
The first time I masturbated, I used my mind to fantasize about sex, and I came in about a minute and a half. I ordered the ejaculation guru book to self-help this problem. Will the book work for lifelong premature ejaculation? It covers breathing, stop-start methods, and different positions. I don’t want to pay a lot for therapy, and want to know if it will work and if the results are permanent. Also will having sex often help me with life long premature ejaculation? I want to avoid antidepressants and creams. I would much rather do it the natural way. Read my response…