Vibrators: Myths Vs. Truth
Some women don’t use vibrators for fear of harm, and many men wonder what a woman’s use of a vibrator means.
Vibrators are by far the most popular sex toy. According to a recent nationally representative survey by Indiana University researchers, 53 percent of American women have used them. But some women don’t use vibrators for fear of harm, and many men wonder what a woman’s use of a vibrator means. Let’s set the record straight.
Myth: Vibrators are for loners and losers.
Truth: According to the Indiana study, married women are more likely to use vibrators (50 percent) than singles (29 percent). When people are single, many put sex on back burner, and don’t think about it much. Coupled women typically think about sex more, and if their partners are not around, or if the women want more sex than the men they’re involved with (quite common), vibrators come in very handy.
Myth: If women need vibrators to have orgasms, there’s something wrong with them.
Truth: Not at all. Some women just need more intense stimulation than fingers or tongues can provide. In the study, compared with women who never used vibrators, those who did reported greater likelihood of orgasm, greater sexual desire, easier arousal, more self-lubrication (meaning less discomfort during intercourse), and equal or better sexual satisfaction.
According to a landmark 1999 report by University of Chicago researchers, 25 percent of women have difficulty having orgasms, or can’t have them. Fortunately, sex therapists enjoy great success teaching women to have the orgasms. The program is detailed in the classic self-help book, Becoming Orgasmic by sex therapists Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo. Guess what they recommend as part of the learning process? One or more vibrators.
Myth: If women need vibrators to enjoy sex and have orgasms, there’s something wrong with the way their men make love.
Truth: Not necessarily. Many perfectly normal women cannot have orgasms without the intense stimulation vibrators provide. Others can, but it takes them longer than they or their lovers would like. Couples should discuss the kinds of erotic play they enjoy, and coach each other about what turns them on and brings them to orgasm.
In addition, men should base their lovemaking on whole-body massage that includes the genitals, but is not fixated on them. Men should understand that only a small proportion of women are consistently orgasmic solely from vaginal intercourse. The large majority of women need direct clitoral stimulation from fingers, tongues, vibrators, or anything else that lights their erotic fire. Assuming that men engage in leisurely, playful, creative, whole-body sensuality—and pay particular erotic attention to their lovers’ clits—there is absolutely nothing wrong with them if the women in their lives need or prefer vibrator stimulation to bring them to orgasm.
Myth: If women enjoy vibrators in partner sex, men are replaced by machines.
Truth: Absolutely not. Vibrators provide only one thing, intense stimulation. They can’t kiss women, embrace or massage them, warm the bed, tell jokes, say, “I love you,” or do anything else lovers provide to support and enjoy each other. Vibrators don’t replace men. All they do is provide especially intense erotic stimulation.
Myth: Vibrators are unnatural.
Truth: Vibrators are as natural as any other erotic enhancement: perfume, music, candle light, or lingerie.
Myth: Vibrators are addictive.
Truth: Do carpenters become addicted to power tools? No, power tools just get the job done faster. Many women really love their vibrators, but that’s a personal preference, not an addiction. Addiction involves tolerance—over time it takes more of the addictive agent to obtain the desired effect. That’s not true with vibrators. In fact, as women become more comfortable with vibrator use and the full range of their own erotic responsiveness, many find that it takes less vibrator stimulation to provide the enjoyment they want.
Myth: Vibrators ruin women for sex without them.
Truth: Does driving ruin you for walking? No, it just gets you there faster. The same is true for sex with and without vibrators. The body responds to erotic stimulation no matter where it comes from: fingers, tongues, penises, or vibrators. Even frequent vibrator use does not change the body’s ability to respond to other types of sexual stimulation.
Myth: Vibrators numb the genitals.
Truth: Sometimes, but not often. In the Indiana survey, 11 percent of vibrator users reported occasional numbness and 3 percent experienced it frequently. If a vibrator causes numbing, don’t press it so hard into the vulva and clitoris.
Myth: Vibrators cause urinary tract infections (UTI).
Truth: UTIs are caused by digestive tract bacteria that exit the body during defecation. As a result, they may contaminate the skin around the anus. If a vibrator (or anything else) comes in contact with these bacteria, and then touches the vulva, the bacteria can travel up the urethra and cause UTIs. Keep track of what your vibrator touches. If it touches the anus, wash it before it touches the vulva. Or cover it with a condom for anal play and remove the condom for vulva/vaginal play. It’s not vibrators, per se, that cause UTIs, but rather careless use.
[scroll down for related Questions & Answers]
References
Eisenberg, ME et al. “Casual Sex and Psychological Health Among Young Adults: Is Having ‘Friends with Benefits’ Emotionally Damaging?” Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health (2009) 41:231.
Eshbaugh, EM and G Gute. “Hookups and Sexual Regret Among College Women,” Journal of Social Psychology (2008) 148:77.
Fielder, RL and MP Carey. “Predictors and Consequences of Sexual Hookups Among College Students,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2010) 39:1105.
Paul, EL et al. “Hookups:” Characteristics and Correlates of College Students’ Spontaneous and Anonymous Sexual Experiences,” Journal of Sex Research (2000) 37:76.
White, HR et al. “Prospective Associations Among Alcohol Use-Related Sexual Enhancement Expectancies, Sex After Alcohol Use, and Casual Sex,” Psychology of Addictive Behavior (2009) 23:702.
Questions & Answers
I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world, of all ages, for free. Here are a few that relate to the topic of this post. If you’d like to ask me a question of your own, please go to GreatSexGuidance.com.
How common is it for men to orgasm from vibrator stimulation alone—with no up and down stroking? My wife enjoys her magic wand (I bought us a second one so as not to burn out the first!) and I tried it with the male attachments a few months ago but it didn’t really do much for me.
Then a couple weeks ago she brought me to orgasm while holding the vibrator on my shaft and stimulating the head of my penis with her mouth. It was a surprise to both of us. Read more and my response…
I’m a 42-year-old woman, and I’ve always had difficulty having orgasms. I can come, but only with a vibrator, and they are weak orgasms nothing earth shaking. I’d like to experience some truly mind-blowing orgasms. I feel like I’m missing out. Any suggestions? Read my response…
I’ve been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. I’m still very young so we’re both of each other’s firsts. We’ve been having sex now for about 2 years and I have only helped her orgasm once. I’ve read articles online everywhere and read online forums for advice all the time, I’ve read some books about the female orgasm and I still have little hope. I do feel like I can maybe make her squirt during sex because she always tells me she feels like she has to pee but that’s what makes her want to stop. Read more my response…
Before my hysterectomy, my doctor and friends who’d had the operation assured me that it causes no loss of sexual enjoyment. Well, I had surgery 8 months ago, and ever since, I’ve had problems. I still enjoy sex, just not as much as before. My husband’s touch doesn’t feel as…well, sexy as it used to. Read more and my response…
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