Let’s Welcome Vibrators into Partner Sex

“How can I get my man to welcome a vibrator into bed with us?”

Over the past 40 years, I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions most recently through my site, GreatSexGuidance.com. A surprising number have come from women asking: “How can I get my man to welcome a vibrator into bed with us?”

Since the late-1970s when Hitachi introduced its Magic Wand and vibrators became the most popular sex toy, most men have considered them the lonely gal’s friend, solo toys for women. Indeed, vibrators are marvelous solo sex enhancers, but because most men view them as women’s self-pleasuring aids, few men have considered welcoming them into partner sex.

There’s Nothing Unnatural About Vibrators

That was certainly the case back in 2008 when Indiana University researchers conducted the first survey of men’s vibrator use. The researchers interviewed 1,047 men, age 18 to 60. Forty-five percent said they’d been involved in partner vibrator play at least once. But only 14 percent said they’d played with a vibrator during the last year, and just 10 percent during the previous month. I’ve seen no subsequent research on this, but I suspect the situation is much the same today.

Men generally have two objections to adding vibrators to partner sex. Some believe they are “unnatural.” Others fear “being replaced by a machine.”

There’s nothing unnatural about vibrators. They are as natural as candlelight, music, lingerie, champagne, and lubricants.

As for being replaced by a machine, consider power tools. They don’t replace carpenters. They just get the job done more efficiently. Vibrators can’t hold a woman close, kiss her, make her laugh, share her joys and heartaches, or say “I love you.” They do just one thing, and many women enjoy that one thing very much as part of lovemaking. Some need it to have orgasms.

So I’m on a little mission to promote more buzz in the sack. In addition to enhancing many women’s partner-sex pleasure, vibrators also help men. In the survey, men who used vibrators regularly reported improved sexual function: more desire, better erections, more intense orgasms, and greater overall satisfaction.

Now, it’s not clear if vibrator use, per se, improves sex for men, or if men who are sexually satisfied are simply more open to using them. My guess: Some of both. But with only a modest proportion of men playing with vibrators in the past year, there are probably many women wishing more men would welcome them in lovemaking.

Ladies, I have a suggestion. Rent the DVD The OH! in Ohio, a sweet little independent feature from 2006 starring Parker Posey, Paul Rudd, Danny DeVito, and Liza Minnelli. Posey plays Priscilla Chase, a successful Cleveland advertising executive who has never had an OH! She wishes things were different—for her sake, and for the sake of her marriage. Her husband (Rudd) considers the marriage a failure because she can’t come. A friend sends Priscilla to a women’s sexuality workshop led by an inspired Liza Minnelli, who introduces her to vibrators. For Priscilla, it’s love at first buzz, and when she sets her phone on vibrate and slips it into her underwear before an important business meeting, hilarity ensues. Meanwhile, her husband fears he’s being replaced by a machine. He confides in a friend who assures him that vibrators rock partner sex.

In some ways, The OH! In Ohio is a silly romantic comedy. But it’s also the best pro-vibrator movie ever made. If your man feels reluctant to welcome a vibrator into bed, The OH! In Ohio just might change his mind.

[scroll down for related Questions & Answers]

References

National Weight Control Registry: http://www.nwcr.ws

Janik, M.R. et al. “Female Sexual Function Before and After Bariatric Surgery: a Cross-Sectional Study and Review of Literature,” Obesity Surgery (2015) 25:1511.

Khoo, J. et al. “Comparing the Effects of Meal Replacements with Reduced-Fat Diet on Weight, Sexual and Endothelial Function, Testosterone, and Quality of Life in Obese Asian Men,” International Journal of Impotence Research (2014) 26:61.

Kolotkin, R.L. et al. “Sexual Functioning and Obesity: A Review,” Obesity (Silver Spring) (2012) 20:2325.

Martin, C.K. et al. “Effect of Calorie Restriction on Mood, Quality of Life, Sleep, and Sexual Function in Healthy Non-obese Adults: The CALERIE 2 Randomized Clinical Trial,” JAMA Internal Medicine (2016) 176:743.

Mora, M. et al. “Weight Loss Is a Major Contributor to Improved Sexual Function After Bariatric Surgery,” Surgery and Endoscopy (2013) 27:3197.

Wing, R.R. et al. “Effect of Intensive Lifestyle Intervention on Sexual Dysfunction in Women with Type-2 Diabetes: Results from an Ancillary Look AHEAD Study,” Diabetes Care (2013) 36:2937.

Wingfield, L.R. et al. “Change in Sexual Dysfunction Following Bariatric Surgery,” Obesity Surgery (2016) 26:387.

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Questions & Answers

I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world, of all ages, for free. Here are a few that relate to the topic of this post. If you’d like to ask me a question of your own, please go to GreatSexGuidance.com.

I bought a bumble bee vibrator for use in foreplay with my girl. We enjoy its effect. It stimulates both of us. My question is, when I penetrate her with the head of my penis, I push the small silver vibrator inside her vagina, and I then push my shaft the rest of the way deep inside her. She seems to not mind. I can feel the vibration with my head while having sex. Is this ok to do? Read my response…

My husband and I like to play with vibrators and dildos during sex. Now we’re talking about using a rather large vibrator that will stretch my vagina. But I’m concerned. Is the stretching is permanent? Or, will my vagina go back to its normal size? Read my response…

My husband of 34 years passed away recently. When I was going through some things I found a simulated vibrating vagina. It has caused me a lot of emotional pain. I felt like our sex life was okay, it’s not like we were newlyweds. But, the fact he would consider something the color of a baby mouse incased in something that looks like a magic bullet food chopper instead of me kills me. If he were here we could clear the air and I could try and understand what he was thinking with this contraption. Read more and my response…

I’ve heard that vibrators, if you use them a long time, can make my clitoris less sensitive. Any truth to this? Read my response…

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