Lesbians/Gays vs. Straights: Any Differences in Sexual Satisfaction?
Do lesbian/gay couples have less of a “battle” in the battle of the sexes?
The phrase, “battle of the sexes,” implies a yawning chasm between men’s and women’s sexual sensibilities. The implication is that lesbian/gay couples have less of a “battle.” Because they are members of the same gender, they are more likely to appreciate their lover’s feelings, including feelings about sex.
But is this really true?
A study by Canadian psychologists sheds some light. They surveyed 423 people in couples, ages 18 to 58, 322 women, 101 men, 253 in mixed-gender and 170 in sex to same-gender.
This Internet survey has several strengths: Participants came from across North America. The survey was anonymous, so answers were presumably more honest than they might have been in face-to-face interviews. The sex questions represented only a small fraction of the total survey, which dealt with social support, so participants had no idea they were participating in a “sex survey.”
But the survey also has weaknesses: Compared with the population, participants were whiter (91 percent) and more college educated (53 percent). As a result, the findings cannot be considered definitive. Nonetheless, they are intriguing.
Survey Says…
• Sexual desire. On average, men feel more desire than women (no surprise), so we would expect men in gay couples to feel the most desire, and women in lesbian couples the least, with the men in mixed-gender couples expressing more libido than the women. But in the survey, sexual desire was pretty much the same for all couples, with gay men and lesbians expressing slightly more desire than heterosexuals.
• Sexual communication. Similarity breeds comfort, so we would expect people in lesbian and gay couples to feel more satisfied with their sexual communication than people in heterosexual couples. But in the survey, satisfaction with sexual communication was “virtually identical” for all groups.
• Sexual activities. “All groups displayed very similar sexual repertoires.” The only difference was that gay men were more likely to engage in anal play. (Of course, lesbians don’t have penis intercourse, but they can enjoy insertive vaginal play using fingers and toys.)
• Satisfaction with sexual activities. Satisfaction was remarkably similar for all groups. Compared with the men, the women, both lesbian and straight, wanted more non-genital caresses, that is, mutual whole-body massage. Men tend to be more genital-focused. But all groups expressed very similar levels of sexual satisfaction.
• Satisfaction with orgasm. All groups enjoyed the same satisfaction.
Of course, this study has limitations—modest numbers and a sample that’s not truly representative. But as sex surveys go, this one appears to be reasonably well done—and persuasive.
Bottom line: People in lesbian, gay male, and mixed-gender couples have their differences. But contrary to the conventional wisdom, in terms of sexual desire, communication, and satisfaction, gay/lesbian and straight sexual relationships are much more similar than different.
[scroll down for related Questions & Answers]
References
Holmberg, D. and Blair, KL. “Sexual Desire, Communication, Satisfaction, and Preferences of Men and Women in Same-Sex Versus Mixed-Sex Relationships,” Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:57. DOI: 10.1080/00224490802645294
Questions & Answers
I’ve answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world, of all ages. Here’s one that relates to the topic of this post. If you’d like to ask me a question of your own, please go to GreatSexGuidance.com.
I’ve always been bisexual. I had both straight and lesbian relationships in college. Then I met my husband and stopped having sex with women. The marriage lasted 17 years. After my divorce, I dated both men and women, then a couple years ago fell madly in love with a woman. We’ve been living together for four years. It’s a great relationship, but the sex is no better than what I had with my husband. I always thought that when it’s two people of the same gender, they should know what the other wants and feels, and sex should be better than it is with someone of the other sex. But that’s not my experience. Is something wrong with my lesbian relationship? Read my response…